5.09.2005

Cruel Intentions

Starring: Sluts, Virgins, and Token Black Guy
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SLUT BOY
Fuck me.

EVERY GIRL IN THE MOVIE EXCEPT SLUT GIRL AND CUTE VIRGIN
Okay.

(They shag.)

SLUT GIRL
Hey Slut Boy, I'll let you screw me if you screw Cute Virgin first.

SLUT BOY
Two more sexual romps? How can I say no?
(approaches Cute Virgin)
Fuck me.

CUTE VIRGIN
Buzz off.

SLUT BOY
What?! Have I lost my slut powers? Hmm...this may take a tad more creativity on my part.

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SLUT GIRL
Now Dumbass Virgin, I'm going to personally teach you how to French kiss.

DUMBASS VIRGIN
Why?

SLUT GIRL
Because we're over-budget and have to lock in the male 13-26 crowd.

(They kiss. It is hot.)

DUMBASS VIRGIN
Oooh la la! When I grow up, I want to be a slut just like you.

SLUT GIRL
Why wait? You can start today. Go fuck Slut Boy and Token Black Guy. That surely will create some drama to entertain me through my life of perpetual boredom.

DUMBASS VIRGIN
Tee-hee!

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SLUT BOY
See how sensitive and responsive I've been to your wants and needs?

CUTE VIRGIN (sniff)
I was wrong about you. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Let's consumate our future marriage with a physical showing of our love for each other.

SLUT BOY
Huh?

CUTE VIRGIN
Let's fuck.

SLUT BOY
Oh, okay.

(They shag.)

CUTE VIRGIN
That was great.

SLUT BOY
Yeah... By the way, I just used you for sex.

CUTE VIRGIN
Prick!

(She kicks him out. He returns home.)

SLUT BOY (to Slut Girl)
Okay, I did Cute Virgin. Now drop your drawers.

SLUT GIRL
Haha, I was just kidding. Now I will take twisted amusement in the fact that you threw away your one chance at true love.

SLUT BOY
This sucks.
(goes back to Cute Virgin's house)
Hi.

CUTE VIRGIN
Prick!

(Slut Boy wonders into a random busy intersection. Token Black Guy shows up and they fight. Slut Boy is hit by a semitruck. Cute Virgin rushes over.)

CUTE VIRGIN (to Slut Boy's mangled corpse)
I really did love you, Slut Boy.

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SLUT GIRL (at Slut Boy's funeral)
I'm so hot, even at a funeral. I'm invincible.

(Cute Virgin distributes embarassing propaganda about Slut Girl to all in attendance.)

SLUT GIRL
Noooooooooooooooooo!!!
(explodes)

AUDIENCE OVER 18
Meh...this was just a rehash of "Dangerous Liasons", which in itself was based on some French book.

AUDIENCE UNDER 18
What an original movie! We hope it wins an Oscar.

THE END

3 Comments:

At 5/23/2005 6:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

STUPID!

 
At 6/13/2005 11:44 AM, Anonymous SupremeC said...

bahaha. this was great. *claps*

 
At 12/22/2005 12:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaa (explodes)

brilliant!

 

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