Jurassic Park

Directed by: Steven Spielberg
Starring: Old Eccentric Billionaire, Scientist Who Looks Like Indiana Jones, Chick Scientist, A Healthy Stephen Hawking, Ugly Guy, Shaft, Aussie Hunter, Bratty Kids, and Newman
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OLD ECCENTRIC BILLIONAIRE
I’ve run out of bizarre political organizations for which to expunge my wealth, so I've built an island park featuring dinosaurs brought back from the dead. Come.

(A diverse group of scientists, comedians, and bratty kids do so. They see the dinosaurs.)

DIVERSE GROUP OF SCIENTISTS, COMEDIANS, AND BRATTY KIDS
Wow.

A HEALTHY STEPHEN HAWKING
Chaos Theory proves your park will fail.

OLD ECCENTRIC BILLIONAIRE
No it doesn’t.

(It does.)

NEWMAN
Hello. I’m the evil fat guy no one likes, so I will steal all the dinosaur embryos while conveniently disabling power to the security fences.

(He does so. Dinosaurs break loose and eat him.)

DIVERSE GROUP OF SCIENTISTS, COMEDIANS, AND BRATTY KIDS
Oh no, the dinosaurs are coming after us!

AUSSIE HUNTER
Don’t worry, I have enough firepower to blast the bloody bastards back to the Mesozoic.

SHAFT
But you fo’get, foo. Dis be a Spielberg flick. Ain’t no cappin’ allowed.

AUSSIE HUNTER
Damn.

(He is eaten.)

UGLY GUY
I’m a lawyer, which means I’m evil, so I will die soon.

(He does.)

DIVERSE GROUP OF SCIENTISTS, COMEDIANS, AND BRATTY KIDS
Oh no, what shall we do?

T-REX
I’ll save you from the mean dinosaurs!

DIVERSE GROUP OF SCIENTISTS, COMEDIANS, AND BRATTY KIDS
But...you’re a mean dinosaur too.

T-REX
Ah, but don’t you see the irony? My animal instinct which had doomed you now shall set you free.
(eats the bad dinosaurs)
Roar.

DIVERSE GROUP OF SCIENTISTS, COMEDIANS, AND BRATTY KIDS
That was scary but fun too. We’re almost sad it’s over.

STEVEN SPIELBERG, KATHLEEN KENNEDY, & UNIVERSAL STUDIOS
Don’t worry, we’ll be milking this franchise dry for decades to come.

BOYS AGED 7-16
YAY!

THE END