5.26.2005

The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Directed by: Steven Spielberg
Starring: 2 characters from the book, 137 characters from Steven Spielberg's mind, and numerous digital dinosaurs
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STEVEN SPIELBERG FANS
Spielberg has never made a bad movie. We can't wait to see this!

MICHAEL CRICHTON FANS
The book "The Lost World" was great. We can't wait to see this!

EVIL WEALTHY CAPITALIST
Hello. I'm here because this movie needed a villain, and clearly the dinosaurs are the heroes.

ECO-TERRORIST
Hello. I'm supposed to be a good guy, but watch as every death and act of destruction can be traced back to me.

UGLY GAME HUNTER
Hello. I'm the big, bad game hunter. However, because of Mr. Speilberg's brazen aversion to guns, I will not fire a single shot.

JEFF GOLDBLUM'S DAUGHTER
Hello. I'm black.

MICHAEL CRICHTON FANS
What the...? Who're all these people?

STEVEN SPIELBERG FANS
Bah, who cares if he changed the book? We're sure the movie will be excellent.

(Eco-Terrorist releases all the caged dinosaurs, thereby destroying every piece of communications equipment on the island.)

AUDIENCE
Well that was stupid.

(Eco-Terrorist kidnaps a baby T-Rex, causing its parents to demolish their trailer and kill their mechanics expert.)

AUDIENCE
And that was really stupid.

(Eco-Terrorist secretly removes the bullets from Ugly Game Hunter's high-powered rifle, thereby eliminating the humans only defense against the rampaging dinos.)

AUDIENCE
Okay, we're nominating this guy for the Darwin Award.

(But everything is all right because Jeff Goldblum's daughter uses her gymnastic skills to kill the velociraptors.)

AUDIENCE
Could this movie get any worse?

(A T-Rex escapes to the mainland and lays waste to San Diego.)

AUDIENCE
It was supposed to be a rhetorical question.

THE END

10 Comments:

At 5/27/2005 1:34 PM, Blogger You Sick Bastard! said...

Well, get ready for Jurassic Park 4.

 
At 5/29/2005 11:41 AM, Anonymous Thorndyke said...

I like the basic concept of your blog, but The Editing Room and Movie-A-Minute execute this concept way better and funnier than you.

 
At 5/30/2005 7:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God, do you have something against every movie that was ever made? Gat a life!

 
At 5/30/2005 7:17 PM, Blogger "Mister_Anderson" said...

I'm a fan of Movie-A-Minute, but their summaries are usually 1 or 2 lines. And I'm doing this for fun, not to be in competition with other sites. But I appreciate the input.

And to "anonymous":
READ THE DISCLAIMER IN MY PROFILE

'nuff said

 
At 5/31/2005 12:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dispite what these people are saying, I think your blog is hilarious. I look forward to a new movie anytime I come and check to see if you updated. Keep up the good work.

 
At 6/03/2005 10:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I keep checking your site once a month, keep it up - always makes me laugh :) Although why don't trying something more challenging than pulp movies - do The Machinist please! :)

r3d1

 
At 6/03/2005 11:19 AM, Blogger "Mister_Anderson" said...

Thanks for the compliments. I've started with pulp movies because they're the ones most people are familiar with, but I'll be moving on to other genres soon.

 
At 7/26/2005 3:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very clever. Very funny. Much like www.angryalien.com and www.themoviespoiler.com. Sites like these (and yours) definitely help one to save a few bucks at the box office.

 
At 7/26/2005 11:49 PM, Anonymous Kay said...

Hi,

I'm new to your site and just wanted to say that I love it. The recaps are very funny. I don't know why people have to be so negative, but I'm a frequent poster of the IMDB boards and am getting used to that sort of thing. Keep it up, I'll be visiting often. Particularly loved the Psycho one.

 
At 9/10/2013 7:34 AM, Blogger ogdendunes said...

Thanks. 'Very entertaining. It'll be a good while before I work my way through it but that'll be a good while.

 

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