The Ring

Directed by: The same guy who directed Pirates of the Carribean
Starring: MILF Reporter, Movie Geek Ex-Boyfriend, Creepy Son, and Scary Little Girl
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TEENAGE CHICK 1
Hey, have you heard of that tape that kills you seven days after you see it?

TEENAGE CHICK 2
Heard of it? I watched it a week ago. I'm just kidding. No, I'm not.
(dies)

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MILF REPORTER
How did your daughter die?

MILF REPORTER'S SISTER
Heart attack.

MILF REPORTER
Then why does her face look like she was making out with a Hoover?

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MILF REPORTER
Haha, that killer tape theory is sure funny. I'll watch it for some laughs.
(does)
Okay, that was pretty fucked up.

(Phone rings. She picks it up.)

SCARY LITTLE GIRL (on phone)
Seven days.

MILF REPORTER
Talk about a prolonged death. Oh well. Now, in the ultimate act of revenge, I'll show this tape to the ex-boyfriend who took off after he knocked me up.

(does)

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CREEPY SON
This looks like a good Saturday night flick.
(watches the tape)

MILF REPORTER (walks in on him)
Noooooooooooooo! All right, now I must solve the mystery. First I'll go to the place where that freaky lighthouse is.

(She does. She talks to the locales who scare her but finds nothing. She goes back to the original cabin with her Movie Geek Ex-Boyfriend.)

MOVIE GEEK EX-BOYFRIEND
An abandoned cabin? All right! 'Bout time I got a chance to tap dat ass again.

MILF REPORTER
Uh, no. We're here to solve the mystery and save our lives. Look! There's a well under the TV.
(peers over the ledge and falls in)
Oh no, this is where that scary little girl died! Oh wait, she's not scary; she's just misunderstood.

SCARY LITTLE GIRL
No, I'm scary.
(kills Movie Geek Ex-Boyfriend)

MILF REPORTER
Oh I see, you have to make a copy of the tape in order to survive.

AMERICAN AUDIENCE
Whatever. That little girl sure is scary.

FILM SNOBS
Bah! The original was better.
(quieter)
Okay, it wasn't.

THE END