The Thing

Directed by: John Carpenter
Starring: Kurt Russell, a bunch of other paranoid snowbound researchers including Quaker Oats Guy, and Aliens
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DOG
Wolf.

QUAKER OATS GUY
My God, that dog is a shape-shifting alien!
(kills dog)
The world is doomed.

KURT RUSSELL
You're crazy, so we're going to lock you in the abandoned shed.

(They do.)

KURT RUSSELL
Well, that takes care of that.

PARANOID SNOWBOUND RESEARCHER WHO IS NOT KURT RUSSELL
Look! One of us is an alien!

(They kill the alien.)

KURT RUSSELL
Phew. Wait a minute...maybe some of you are aliens too.

OTHER PARANOID SNOWBOUND RESEARCHERS
No, we're not.

KURT RUSSELL
Oh yeah? Let's test everyone's blood to find out.

(They do so. One of them turns out to be an alien. They kill him.)

KURT RUSSELL
Well, that takes care of that.

PARANOID SNOWBOUND RESEARCHER WHO IS NOT KURT RUSSELL
Wait, what about the Quaker Oats Guy we locked up in the shed?

KURT RUSSELL
I'm sure he's okay. Let's check on him.

(They do so. Quaker Oats Guy is now an alien. Kurt Russell kills him but not before Quaker Oats Guy kills everyone else.)

KURT RUSSELL
Finally, it's over.

(Tough Black Guy shows up.)

TOUGH BLACK GUY
Remember me? I vanished suspiciously earlier in the movie.

KURT RUSSELL
Oh yeah. Maybe you're an alien.

TOUGH BLACK GUY
Maybe you're an alien.

KURT RUSSELL
Am not.

TOUGH BLACK GUY
Are too.

THE END