Species

Starring: Agent Gandhi, Mr. Blonde, Sensitive Guy, Smart Chick, Horny Doctor, and a Hot Alien
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AGENT GANDHI
Thank you all for coming. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is we created an alien from information gathered from outerspace, which has since broken free, killing everyone in its path.

MR. BLONDE
Jesus Christ! What's the good news?

AGENT GANDHI
We decided to splice the alien DNA with that of a blonde Brooke Burke.

SMART CHICK
What was the purpose of that?

AGENT GANDHI
Hey lady, my men and I work in an underground laboratory 24/7. Take a guess.

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(The team searches for the alien.)

SENSITIVE GUY
I sense that the alien is scared.

(They find a naked dead guy.)

THE TEAM
Hmm...

(They find another naked dead guy.)

SMART CHICK
Aha! She must be looking for a mate.

(They find the alien and run her off the road into a conveniently-placed transformer, exploding her car.)

THE TEAM
Hooray! No need to confirm that was actually her...let's go party!

(They go to a bar.)

SMART CHICK (to Mr. Blonde)
Have sex with me.

MR. BLONDE
Okay.
(leaves with her to have sex)

HORNY DOCTOR
Sigh...

HOT ALIEN WEARING A WIG
You're old, fat, and ugly...everything I look for in a man. Let's have sex.

HORNY DOCTOR
YES! I knew this day would come eventually!

(They go back to his hotel room and have sex.)

HORNY DOCTOR
Wow...that was fantastic. Now I can claim my lack of virginity with pride!

HOT ALIEN WEARING A WIG
Well, actually, you're still technically a virgin. See, I'm the alien. And you just got me pregnant.

HORNY DOCTOR
Oh my God...you want child support!!

(Sensitive Guy, Mr. Blonde, Smart Chick, and Agent Gandhi break down the door, guns in hand. The alien turns into her alien self and flees.)

MR. BLONDE
Quick, she went to the bottomless pit in the basement!

(They go.)

AGENT GANDHI
There she is!

(The alien kills him.)

MR. BLONDE
Hmm, I better try a different approach.
(blows her head off with a shotgun, blasting the carcas into the bottomless pit)
Yep, that worked.

SMART CHICK
Well, everything is finally back to normal.

SENSITIVE GUY
Uh, what about that alien baby in the corner?

MR. BLONDE
Save him for the sequel.

THE END