Speed

Staring: Big Bus, Big Bomb, and Big Explosion
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POLICE CAPTAIN
Chief, I have some bad news. A madman's placed a bomb on a moving bus, and it'll explode if the bus slows below 50 mph.

POLICE CHIEF
My God! Quick, call in the Justice Department, FBI, FEMA—

POLICE CAPTAIN
No need, Chief. I put my two best cops on the case: Ted from Bill and Ted and Harry from Dumb and Dumber.

POLICE CHIEF
We're fucked.

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(Ted boards a moving bus.)

TED (to the passengers)
Attention, everyone, I'm a cop. Now, I don't want to alarm you, but there's a bomb on this bus.

DIVERSE GROUP OF MULTIETHNIC PASSENGERS (very alarmed)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

TED
Okay, who here is playing the comic relief/love interest?

SANDRA BULLOCK (from the back)
Me.

TED
You're sitting too far away. I can't oggle your body from back there. Here, come up front and drive the bus.

BUS DRIVER
Excuse me...are you sure? I mean, I've been trained to handle a vehicle of this size and—

TED
You go shush now!

(Bus Driver gets shot, and Sandra Bullock takes his place.)

SANDRA BULLOCK
I should warn you, I don't have a license.

TED
Yes, but on the plus side, you have boobs.

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HARRY
I'm going to arrest the bomber now.

POLICE CAPTAIN
Okay.

(Harry and various cops arrive at the bomber's house.)

RANDOM COP
Wait! We probably shouldn't go inside. See that flashing red light connected to that metal box with wires sticking out of it?

HARRY
Yeah?

RANDOM COP
Might be a bomb.

HARRY
Shut up, rookie. Besides, a blinking red light on a bomb would mean it hasn't been set yet. You know, like a VCR.

RANDOM COP
Uh, are you sure?

HARRY
Positive.
(goes inside)

(BOOM.)

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SANDRA BULLOCK
So, are you going to help us off the bus?

TED
Can't. It'll blow.

SANDRA BULLOCK
Well, are you going to diffuse the bomb?

TED
Can't. It'll blow.

SANDRA BULLOCK
So what should we do?

TED
Um...drive faster.

SANDRA BULLOCK
That's it?!

TED
No. Also drive over that unfinished bridge up ahead.

(They do. It is cool.)

SANDRA BULLOCK
Wow, we made it! You'd think all that raucus would have set off the bomb.

TED
Yeah, you'd think.

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POLICE CAPTAIN
Okay, we were able to trick the mad bomber and get everyone safely off the bus, but now he's kidnapped Sandra Bullock and escaped into the subway.

TED
I'll save her!

(He goes into the subway and sees the mad bomber.)

MAD BOMBER
Hahaha, you can't beat me! You're just one cop!

TED
Ah, but I'm playing the same cop I played in Point Break, where I kicked some serious ass.

MAD BOMBER
Noooooooooooo!!!
(gets beheaded)

SANDRA BULLOCK (to Ted)
My hero!
(They kiss.)
I had such a great time. Are you ready for the sequel?

TED
Um...yeah, I just...have to get something from my car.

(He runs off and we hear the fleeing squeal of tires.)

THE END