9.27.2005

Cliffhanger

Starring: Bad Guys 1-9, Rocky, Rocky's Friends Past and Present, Bill & Ted, and Serious John Lithgow
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(Bad Guys 1 and 2 are on a U.S. Treasury jet flying above the Rocky Mountains.)

BAD GUY 1
Woohoo, we just hijacked a treasury jet! We're millionaires!

BAD GUY 2
And look, our Bad Guy Partners are flying in the plane next to us. Should we signal them to land, so we can transfer the money safely?

BAD GUY 1
No, let's do a midair exhange between the planes via zip line.

(They attempt to do so. Bad Guy 2 and all the suitcases of money FALL.)

BAD GUY 1
Oops.

(The Bad Guys CRASH their plane into a mountain, but they are OK.)

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(Rocky, Rocky's Friend, Rocky's Chick, and Nice Old Guy are hanging out in a Mountain Ranger Station.)

ROCKY (to his friend)
I've been depressed ever since I dropped your girlfriend off that mountain.

ROCKY'S FRIEND
Good. I hate you.

NICE OLD GUY
Can't we all just get along?

VOICE ON RADIO
Help, save us!

ROCKY'S CHICK
Someone's in trouble...

ROCKY'S FRIEND
You know what that means...

ROCKY
Time for the Mighty Rocky Mountain Rangers!

(Mighty Rocky Mountain Rangers theme song plays. The Rangers get changed into their gear and show up at the crash site.)

SERIOUS JOHN LITHGOW (holding a gun)
Thanks for coming, suckers. We need you to help us Bad Guys find our stolen money we have packed in black Samsonite briefcases.

ROCKY'S FRIEND
Hey, it's John Lithgow! You make me laugh.

SERIOUS JOHN LITHGOW
Fine, but this time I'm serious. In fact the only thing humorous about my performance in this movie is that I am trying to act serious.

ROCKY'S FRIEND
Haha!

SERIOUS JOHN LITHGOW
Shut up, I'm being serious here.

ROCKY'S FRIEND
Heeheehee!

(Serious John Lithgow shoots Nice Old Man.)

ROCKY'S FRIEND
I'll be quiet.

SERIOUS JOHN LITHGOW
Okay, which one of you is going to climb this mountain and find our money?

ROCKY
Uh, I'll do it.

BAD GUY 3
Mmm...I was hoping you'd say that. First, take off your jacket.

ROCKY
Huh, why?

BAD GUY 3
Ooooh, cause you've got big strong arms...oh baby, you so bad!

(Rocky goes to find the money, but he really is TRICKING THEM. Serious John Lithgow yells and raises a clenched fist to show he is serious. Meanwhile Rocky's Friend stays with the bad guys and ends up killing them all one by one, including British Football coughsoccercough Bad Guy. Bill & Ted also show up and they die too.)

SERIOUS JOHN LITHGOW (in a helicopter)
What am I supposed to be doing again...? Oh, that's right, getting the money. So, did you find it yet?

ROCKY
Yeah, here it is.

SERIOUS JOHN LITHGOW
Okay, toss it here. Just, um, be careful you don't drop it or anything cause that would be a bitch to find, and frankly we don't have another two hours to kill.

(Rocky tosses the suitcase in the helicopter's blades and the money gets all chopped up into confetti. Serious John Lithgow dies and Rocky and Rocky's Friend become friends again. Also, Rocky screws the girl.)

ROCKY
Grunt.

THE END

1 Comments:

At 11/17/2007 7:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lmao, found it on th IMDB forums. Nice job lol.

 

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