10.26.2005

American Beauty

Directed by: Sam Mendes
Starring: Kevin Spacey as Depressed Husband, Annette Benning as Depressed Wife, and Others as Depressed Supporting Cast
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KEVIN SPACEY
I'm a lonely suburbanite having a midlife crisis.

ANNETTE BENNING
Me too.

KEVIN SPACEY
Yes, but we can't relate with each other.

ANNETTE BENNING
No.

THORA BIRCH
I'm their depressed daughter. I also have big boobs, see?
(shows us)

HOT SKANK
I'm the school slut.

FUTURE CHILD MOLESTOR
I videotape young girls undressing.

FUTURE CHILD MOLESTER'S NAZI FATHER
I'm the creepy kid's father. I hate gays/Jews/blacks—that about covers it. Heil!

PETER GALLAGHER
I'm some guy.

ALL CHARACTERS
Watch us all interact.

(They do. It is touching.)

HOT SKANK
Turns out I'm really a virgin.

THORA BIRCH & FUTURE CHILD MOLESTER
Turns out we're in love.

ANNETTE BENNING
Turns out I'm a basketcase.

FUTURE CHILD MOLESTER'S NAZI FATHER
Turns out I'm a closet queer.

KEVIN SPACEY
Turns out I'm dead.

PETER GALLAGHER
Turns out I'm still some guy.

(Six months later.)

KEVIN SPACEY, SAM MENDES & ALAN BALL
Turns out we're Oscar winners.

ANNETTE BENNING
Turns out I'm not.

THE END

5 Comments:

At 10/27/2005 3:24 AM, Anonymous Mark said...

Haha, you rule.

keep this up, your movies by theminute kick ass.

 
At 11/26/2005 3:36 PM, Anonymous Maarten said...

I really can't laugh about it. If you aren't able to understand and admire the art of movie making, don't talk. If you think you're cool if you make fun of great movies you're wrong!
You suck!!!

 
At 12/07/2005 4:23 AM, Anonymous ffunit said...

stfu Maarten, you ignorant dumbass.

 
At 8/18/2006 12:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lolol i love you

 
At 2/20/2007 9:09 AM, Anonymous mogabbe said...

Maarten: Well, if you can't understand the difference between art and commerce, then maby you shouldn't be allowed to breathe? How do you manage to walk past 10 commercial posters each day, without buying everything they display? If you think hollywood is art, i guess you're the kind of person who finds spiritual inspiration within an episode of That 70's show. In other words, your just another mindless dickhead consumer jackass who is hated in secret by everyone. So FUCK off.

 

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