Predator

Starring: Governor Ahhnold Schwarzenegger, Governor Jesse Ventura, Apollo Creed, and some chick
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GOVERNOR SCHWARZENEGGER
Come, commandos! We must rescue dee kidnapped hostages deep within da jungle of dis Latin American country!

(They attempt to do so. A huge battle breaks out. The commandos kill all the bad guys and burn a village to the ground.)

GOVERNOR VENTURA
No! The hostages have died by the hands of the terrorists!

APOLLO CREED
Either that or by the grenade I tossed in the hut they were cowering in.

GOV. SCHWARZENEGGER
Either way, our mission is ovah. Let us return to da baaaase.

(The commandos make their way back through the jungle. They are picked off one by one.)

GOV. SCHWARZENEGGER
Whaaat? We are still being shot. How is dees possible?

APOLLO CREED
Look up in that tree...it's an alien with a gun!
(gets shot)

GOV. SCHWARZENEGGER
Dee alien will follow us back to town. We must close the border!

GOV. VENTURA
And deal with the political fallout? Are you crazy?!

GOV. SCHWARZENEGGER
Dees is an alien terrorist! Dees alien is breaking the law! We must stop dee illegal alien!

GOV. VENTURA
Not all aliens are terrorists. He's only following us to escape his present dismal environment and start his life anew in a land of prosperity. I say we pursue a policy of appeasment.
(gets shot by the alien)

GOV. SCHWARZENEGGER
No more girly men. Now we do eet my way.

(He covers himself in mud and ambushes the alien, wrestling him to the ground. The alien turns into a suicide bomber and blows himself up. Gov. Schwarzenegger escapes just in time.)

GOV. SCHWARZENEGGER
Through my minutemahn policy I have eeensured the safety of dis country.

AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL, THE ACLU, AND BARBARA BOXER
Boooooo!

(The sequel begins. Now the illegal alien is inhabiting Los Angeles.)

AUDIENCE MEMBER 1
I didn't know this was going to be a documentary.

THE END