The Sixth Sense

Directed by: M. Night Sha-na-na

Starring: Dr. Bruce Willis, Sad Yet Cute Kid, artsy cinematography, ghosts, and THE COLOR RED
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(Sad Yet Cute Kid is Dr. Bruce's patient.)

DR. BRUCE
Now, Cole, I want you to know that I'm here to help, not to judge you. You should feel free to tell me your troubles uninhibited, and I will listen with an open mind.

SAD YET CUTE KID
I see dead people.

DR. BRUCE
Whoa, you're a fuckin' fruit loop! Good luck with all that.
(reconsiders)

On the other hand, since you seem to be the only person in the past five months who's given me the time of day, I guess I'll stick around.

(Sad Yet Cute Kid begins telling Dr. Bruce his troubles.)

SAD YET CUTE KID
...and last night I was visited by the ghost of that girl from "The O.C." She was in a nightgown.

DR. BRUCE
Hot damn. That's my kind of fantasy. Sha-wing!

SAD YET CUTE KID
She was twelve years old.

DR. BRUCE
You're one sick mofo, Cole.

(Dr. Bruce and Sad Yet Cute Kid board the Mystery Machine and drive around town solving all the spooky mysteries. We see RED, RED, RED, RED, RED, and RED. Now the Sad Yet Cute Kid is not as sad.)

DR. BRUCE
Hmm, I discovered a new field...ghost psychology. I just doubled my patient-base. Now I'll go home to my peculiarly distant wife.

SAD YET CUTE KID
There's something I've been meaning to tell you...

DR. BRUCE
No need to thank me, Cole. All in a day's work. Say hi to your mom for me.

SAD YET CUTE KID
Actually, I was refering to the fact that you're dead.

DR. BRUCE
Huh?

SAD YET CUTE KID
My mom doesn't know who you are, much less that I've been coming to see you.

DR. BRUCE
Well, that explains why you've been paying me in Monopoly money. And also why there's this big, gaping bullet hole in my chest. But...why did you wait ten months to fill me in?

SAD YET CUTE KID
Meh, the subject never came up.

M. NIGHT SHAMAN
RED! RED! RED! RED! RED!

THE END