Mortal Kombat

Starring: Everybody from the first game and like 2 or 3 from the second.
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CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT (to Johnny Cage, Sonya and Liu Kang)
I am the god of thunder and lightening. I have brought you all to this island to fight in a tournament between worlds called mortal kombat. It's mortal men and women fighting for the fate of the universe.

LIU KANG
If it's just mortal men and women, then why are we fighting some beast with four arms and another dude who as far as I can gather is a shapeshifting sorcerer?

CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT
There can be only one.

SONYA
What does that mean?

CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT
Oops, wrong flick. What I meant is, the balance of the realms hinges on your victory.

JOHNNY CAGE
Why do I feel you have no idea what you're talking about?

CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT
Look pal, this is a movie based on a video game. You're lucky we're even attempting a plot. It was either this or I zap electricity from my fingers for 90 minutes.

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(Liu Kang, Sonya and Johnny Cage fight the "mortal" combatants. The mysterious Princess Kitana is watching.)

SHANG TSUNG (to Goro)
That Princess Kitana is up to no good. Keep her far away from all the combatants, especially that Liu Kang guy.

GORO
Done.
(schedules Princess Kitana as Liu Kang's next opponent)
D'oh!

(Princess Kitana helps Liu Kang win all his fights.)

LIU KANG
Now I will fight Shang Tsung.

PRINCESS KITANA
Wait! First let me tell you how to win.

JOHNNY CAGE
I'm about to fight that four-armed freak. Any advice for me?

PRINCESS KITANA
No. Fuck off.

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(Liu Kang faces off against Shang Tsung.)

LIU KANG
Down, Down, Back, Down, High Kick.

(Shang Tsung dies. The ghosts of all the people he killed escape. Liu Kang has a heart to heart with his dead brother.)

CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT
Congratulations, mortals. Shang Tsung is dead and the evil emperor has been disgraced. Your victory has ensured the prosperity of the earth realm. The stars are now aligned for the path of the new chosen one...ah fuck this.
(goes back to filming another Highlander sequel)

THE END