Passenger 57

Starring: Wesley Snipes, British terrorists and country yokels
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(Scene: Warner Bros. Executive Headquarters. April, 1991.)

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE ONE
All right, people. This company is in dire need of a blockbuster action flick. Think "Die Hard", but bigger and more outrageous.

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE TWO
How about a "Die Hard" clone set in the air? You know, we can have terrorists take over an airplane.

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE ONE
Brilliant! And with an original twist.

WARNER BROS. LACKEY
Sorry to interrupt...but didn't a sequel to "Die Hard" about terrorists taking over airplanes come out like last year?

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE ONE
Get the fuck out of my office.

(Warner Bros. Lackey is escorted from the building.)

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE ONE
Now, where were we?

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE TWO
The film should be realistic. For instance, we'll have the terrorists be Brits.

WARNER BROS. EXEC THREE
Why would Brits hijack an American airliner?

WARNER BROS. EXEC TWO
They could still be pissed off about losing the Revolution.

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE ONE
Love it!

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE THREE
But a full-length film taking place solely on an airplane might get a bit tedious, especially if we're not planning to add details like plot and character development.

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE ONE
Hmm...this may be true.

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE TWO
I got it! We'll have the plane land for a few minutes so the terrorists can hop over to a nearby amusement park for some carnival antics before they take off again.

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE FOUR
That'll help the movie relate to the average viewer. Flight holdovers are common to Joe 6-pack.

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE ONE
Who should the hero be?

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE TWO
How about a ruthless city cop with a grudge against international terrorists?

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE ONE
Hmm, sounds like John McClane.

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE TWO
But...we'll make him black.

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE ONE

Yes!

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE THREE
We can get Wesley Snipes.

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE TWO
And we can throw in a gag where he's mistaken for Arsenio Hall.

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE FOUR
Does Wesley Snipes look like Arsenio Hall?

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE TWO
I don't know. But they're both black!

(They make the movie.)

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE ONE
Well, that flopped. What the hell went wrong?

WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVE TWO

We broke the cardinal rule of filmmaking. Too much exposition; not enough black jokes.

THE END