12.28.2005

Wild Things

Starring: Denise Richards and Neve Campbell as Hot 20-Something High School Sluts, Matt Dillon as Hot Teacher, Kevin Bacon as Officer Weiner, and Bill Murray as Bit Part He Had To Take Cause He Lost A Bet
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DENISE RICHARDS
Have sex with me.

MATT DILLON
Okay.

(They do it.)

DENISE RICHARDS
You raped me.

MATT DILLON
No, I didn't.

NEVE CAMPBELL
Yeah, uh, you raped me too.

OFFICER KEVIN BACON
You're in big trouble, pretty boy.

NEVE CAMPBELL
Wait, I was lying.

OFFICER KEVIN BACON
Matt Dillon, you're a free man.
(leaves)

MATT DILLON
Hahaha, I was really "in on it" the whole time. We tricked everybody, girls, and now we're rich for some reason.

(There is a threesome scene between Matt Dillon, Denise Richards and Neve Campbell. It is HOT. Then it ends.)

MALE AUDIENCE
Excuse me, projectionist? Something went wrong. It skipped the part where Neve Campbell takes her top off.

PROJECTIONIST
Sorry, Neve has a no-nudity clause in her contract.

(Neve Campbell's stock immediately drops to post-1997 Alicia Silverstone levels.)

OFFICER KEVIN BACON
Hey, y'all want more nudity? Here's my wang.

(Kevin Bacon's stock climbs dramatically amongst Manhattan Drag Queens.)

OFFICER KEVIN BACON
By the way, I was also "in on it".

(Every other character turns out to have been "in on it" too. Then everyone except Neve Campbell dies.)

NEVE CAMPBELL
I wonder if I'd have better success in my career if I stay a blonde.

ALICIA SILVERSTONE
Hah...right.

THE END

1 Comments:

At 8/18/2007 6:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha... funny

 

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