Career Opportunities

Starring:
Frank Whaley as.....That Tool From School Who Thought He Was Cool
Jennifer Connelly as........................Girl Waaaay Outta His League
John Candy as...........Role That Likely Took All Of 5 Minutes To Film
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HIGH SCHOOL TOOL WHO THINKS HE'S COOL
I'm so hip. One day I'm gonna be the CEO of Target.

TARGET MANAGER
You can start by mopping the floors.

HIGH SCHOOL TOOL WHO THINKS HE'S COOL
That's ok. This is probably how Bill Gates began.

BILL GATES (watching)
What a fuckin' loser.

(Target closes, but High School Tool spots an extremely hot shoplifter in a shirt two sizes too small.)

HIGH SCHOOL TOOL WHO THINKS HE'S COOL
We have a policy of prosecuting all shoplifters, but I'll let you off the hook if you show me your rack.

GIRL WAY OUTTA HIS LEAGUE
Sorry, this is the one movie where I don't take my clothes off. But to compromise, I'll have sex with this toy horse.

(She does and it is hot.)

BUMBLING CROOKS FROM HOME ALONE (show up)
We're notorious thieves. That's why we're robbing a Target.

HIGH SCHOOL TOOL WHO THINKS HE'S COOL (to Girl Way Outta His League)
Uh oh! Let's run around and do stupid shit!

(They do. Bumbling Crooks are outsmarted at every turn. Repeat.)

HIGH SCHOOL TOOL WHO THINKS HE'S COOL
I'm so hip.

(We reach the point in the movie where the editor apparently peaced out because the rest of the flick is as disjointed as a Mad Libs story.)

GIRL WAY OUTTA HIS LEAGUE (to High School Tool)
It's all right, I have a (noun) ___hot body___. I'll destract the crooks by (verb) ___stripping___. Meanwhile, you just try to look (description) __like an assface__. I promise that come tomorrow we will be relaxing in (location) __Abu Gharib__, sipping cocktails while watching the sunset.

THE END