Open Water

Directed by: Some guy
Starring: The finest of Hollywood's "D" List
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YUPPIE GIRL DIVER
Help!! My husband and I have been left behind in the ocean by an irresponsible diving crew!

DIRECTOR
NO. You're rushing the movie. First we must shoot twenty minutes of tedious "character development" and gratuitous nudity.

(They do.)

DIRECTOR
Okay, now get in the water.

YUPPIE GIRL DIVER
Help!!  My husband and I have been left behind in the ocean by an irresponsible diving crew!

YUPPIE GUY DIVER
You spend too much time at work.

YUPPIE GIRL DIVER
Um, can we discuss that later? We're being circled by sharks!

SHARKS
Hoo hoo hah hah!

(Time passes. The yuppie divers remain in the ocean. The sharks remain at bay.)

YUPPIE GUY DIVER
Hey, you ever play that Six Degrees to Kevin Bacon game?

YUPPIE GIRL DIVER
Don't you realize we're going to die out here??!!

(The sharks go away. Then they come back. Then they go away. Then they come back.)

YUPPIE GIRL DIVER
I hate you.

YUPPIE GUY DIVER
I hate you.

YUPPIE GIRL DIVER
I love you.

YUPPIE GUY DIVER
I love you.

(It's the next morning. The irresponsible diving crew has just discovered that they left two divers in the ocean.)

IRRESPONSIBLE DIVING CREW
Oops.

(Meanwhile, sharks eat the two yuppie leads.)

SHARKS
Yum.

CRITIC IN AUDIENCE
Wow. This movie was like Blair Witch, only in water.

DIRECTOR
Thanks! Wait...that's a compliment, right?

THE END