Robots

Directed by: Chris Wedge and Carlos Saldanha
Starring (the vocal "talents" of): Ewan McGregor, Stanley Tucci, Diane West, Greg Kinnear, Halle Berry, Robin Williams, and *coughcough* Drew Carey
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STANLEY TUCCI ROBOT
I'm gonna be a dad! Yay!

AUDIENCE
But you're a robot.

STANLEY TUCCI ROBOT
That's right. That means I get to build my son! Isn't that neat?
(builds a baby robot)
Now I get to watch him grow up.

AUDIENCE
But he's a robot.

STANLEY TUCCI ROBOT
That's right, but I will buy him big boy robot parts and then teenager robot parts and then adult robot parts.

(He does.)

AUDIENCE
Why didn't you just buy adult robot parts from the beginning, you fool? Now you're broke.

STANLEY TUCCI ROBOT
You're right.

EWAN MCGREGOR ROBOT
It's ok, Dad Robot. I'll go off to the big city and make money for us.

(He goes to the big city to work as an inventor and meets Robin Williams Robot.)

ROBIN WILLIAMS ROBOT
This is great. In this film I get to use all the jokes I proposed in Aladdin that were cut from the final script.

(He tells the jokes. They are not funny.)

AUDIENCE
This very well might be Robin Williams' worst role ever.

OTHER ACTOR ROBOTS
Ewan McGregor Robot, we'll stand with you in your plot to bring down Greg Kinnear Robot's evil robot company and robot capitalism as a whole. First, however, let's do a five minute fart joke gag.

AUDIENCE
How did this get green-lit? Let's get our money back.

(begin to leave the theater)

CHRIS WEDGE AND CARLOS SALDANHA
Please...we need to eat.

AUDIENCE
Sorry. Ice Age was fun, but you really screwed this one up. You have Drew Carey in it, for Christ's sake.

DREW CAREY ROBOT
Hey!

CHRIS WEDGE AND CARLOS SALDANHA (to Drew Carey Robot)
They're right.

HALLE BERRY ROBOT
Can I at least win an Oscar?

CHRIS WEDGE AND CARLOS SALDANHA
Depends. Are you willing to participate in an intense ten minute interracial robot sex scene?

HALLE BERRY ROBOT
With whom?

CHRIS WEDGE AND CARLOS SALDANHA
Hmm...we'll need a fat, middle-aged, white guy loser.

DREW CAREY ROBOT
Hey, I'm still here.

HALLE BERRY ROBOT
Never mind. I'd rather win the Razzie.

THE END