2.21.2007

The Wizard

Directed by: Todd Holland
Starring: Kevin Arnold, Autistic Bro, Wannabe Tough Chick, and LUCAS (he's so baaad)
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(By 1989, the Nintendo Company, Ltd. had reached great success with its Nintendo Entertainment System, popularizing domestic video game electronics once again. At the same time, however, the relevant market had plateaued. Nintendo needed new and innovative products to grab the consumers' attention and pocketbooks. Enter the Power Glove, the Power Pad and R.O.B. the Robot, the crappiest video game perephrials in the history of consumer electronics. So crappy, in fact, that the company needed far longer than a thirty second TV spot to infuse them into the gaming public. It was in this climate that The Wizard was born.)

AUTISTIC BRO
California...

KEVIN ARNOLD
What about it?

AUTISTIC BRO
California...

KEVIN ARNOLD
Cowabunga.

AUTISTIC BRO
California...

KEVIN ARNOLD
God—if I take you to California, will you please shut up?

(They travel to California. Along the way they meet up with Wannabe Tough Chick.)

WANNABE TOUGH CHICK
Look how street smart I am. All my friends are smelly truckers.

KEVIN ARNOLD
Glad to meet you. I'm that dork from The Wonder Years, and this is my retarded brother.

WANNABE TOUGH CHICK
But he's good at video games. That means he's a genius.

SHADOWY NINTENDO AGENTS
Enough character development. More Nintendo products.

(They show Autistic Bro playing many different Nintendo games. He decides to enter a video game tournament.)

LUCAS (shows up)
Not so fast, pussy. First you gotta show me your skills.

(Lucas whips out a sweaty, gray, synthetic hand puppet called the Power Glove and begins playing Nintendo games with it. He schools all their asses. Dramatic close-up shot of Lucas's solemn face.)



LUCAS
I love the Power Glove...it's so bad.

FILM HISTORIANS
And with that, the single greatest line in video game movie history was uttered.

(Autistic Bro goes on to win the video game tournament, which was accomplished by playing Super Mario Bros 3 as crappily as possible. Then they all go home.)

UNIVERSAL EXEC 1
I'm worried that audiences might see this flick as a ninety minute Nintendo commercial.

UNIVERSAL EXEC 2
Frankly, I'm more concerned they'll realize it's nothing more than a watered-down, teenage clone of last year's Rain Man.

THE END

1 Comments:

At 2/27/2007 11:13 AM, Anonymous christian flickinger said...

Couldn't stop laughing at this one. Nice job.

 

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