The Insider
Directed by: Michael Mann
Starring: Pacino, Crowe, and other inconsequentials
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PACINO
Hoo-hah! I'm the executive producer for "60 Minutes" starring Mike Wallace, and I just found a bunch of boring cigarette company statistics. I don't read numbers. What to do, what to do?
CROWE
Here. I'm a cigarette scientist; I'll look at them. By the way, I was recently fired from big tobacco because I knew too much. *wink wink*
PACINO
Are you implying that you have secret knowledge of illegal activities?
CROWE
I can't tell you because it will put my family in danger.
(Pacino puts Crowe's family in protective custody.)
PACINO
Okay, now tell me.
CROWE
Cigarettes are addictive.
PACINO
HOLY SHIT!!!!
(Later...)
CBS EXECS
We can't run this Crowe story. It's too controversial.
PACINO
Aw, come on!
MIKE WALLACE
Sorry, Al, I agree with the stuffed shirts.
(Later...)
CBS EXECS
We can't run this Crowe story. It's too controversial.
PACINO
Aw, come on!
MIKE WALLACE
You're right, Al, let's run it.
(They run it. Nothing changes.)
THE END
Starring: Pacino, Crowe, and other inconsequentials
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PACINO
Hoo-hah! I'm the executive producer for "60 Minutes" starring Mike Wallace, and I just found a bunch of boring cigarette company statistics. I don't read numbers. What to do, what to do?
CROWE
Here. I'm a cigarette scientist; I'll look at them. By the way, I was recently fired from big tobacco because I knew too much. *wink wink*
PACINO
Are you implying that you have secret knowledge of illegal activities?
CROWE
I can't tell you because it will put my family in danger.
(Pacino puts Crowe's family in protective custody.)
PACINO
Okay, now tell me.
CROWE
Cigarettes are addictive.
PACINO
HOLY SHIT!!!!
(Later...)
CBS EXECS
We can't run this Crowe story. It's too controversial.
PACINO
Aw, come on!
MIKE WALLACE
Sorry, Al, I agree with the stuffed shirts.
(Later...)
CBS EXECS
We can't run this Crowe story. It's too controversial.
PACINO
Aw, come on!
MIKE WALLACE
You're right, Al, let's run it.
(They run it. Nothing changes.)
THE END
posted by "Mister_Anderson" @ 11:07 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
really really LAME. I'm sure you are a legend in your own mind...
good luck with that...
It's good to see you finally back Mister Anderson.
That was funny. Good to have you back - hope you do more.
That was a good one.
Heh, I liked that.
The Insider really was an overly long overrated piece of wank.
Re: Your The Natural entry...
Dude, if he was in the World Series, that means he already had won the pennant. The pennant is the ticket to the World Series.
You goofed.
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