Donnie Darko

Starring: Donnie Darko, Crack Rabbit, New Girlfriend, and a bunch of self-promoting cameos by Hollywood's B-list
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DONNIE DARKO
Hello. I'm a cool Gen-Xer in the year 1988. As you may gather from my name, I'm also quite disturbed. This makes me cooler.
(goes to sleep)

VOICE
Donnie, get your ass up.

(Donnie sleepwalks to a golf course and encounters Bugs Bunny on Crack.)

BUGS BUNNY ON CRACK
In 28 days the world will end.

DONNIE DARKO
Well that's depressing... I like it!
(walks home)
Hey look, while I was gone a jet engine fell on my bed.

(The next day...)

BUGS BUNNY ON CRACK
Flood the school.

DONNIE DARKO
Okay.

(He floods the school. Later:)

BUGS BUNNY ON CRACK
Burn down Patrick Swayze's house.

DONNIE DARKO
Okay.

(He burns down Patrick Swayze's house. Later:)

BUGS BUNNY ON CRACK
Have passionate sex with your new girlfriend.

DONNIE DARKO
Okay!

(He has wild animal sex with New Girlfriend.)

DONNIE DARKO
Isn't anyone going to tell me what these freaky tunnels coming out of everybody's chests are?

MULDER
No.

DONNIE DARKO
Oh well. New Girlfriend, come with me to visit the crazy old lady who lives down the street.

NEW GIRLFRIEND
Sure.

(They walk down the street. Bugs Bunny On Crack runs over New Girlfriend in his car, killing her.)

DONNIE DARKO
Not cool, man.
(shoots the Crack Rabbit)
Ok, now what...? Oh yeah, stop the world from ending.

(He drives to a hilltop and stares at the sky, which apparently fixes everything. He wakes up in his bed, 28 days earlier.)

DONNIE DARKO
Ah, everything is back to normal.

(A jet engine falls on his bed, splattering him. We see a montage featuring a very post-1980s cover of Tears For Fears.)

DONNIE'S FAMILY (outside the house, gawking at the wreckage)
Oh no! Poor Donnie...

(From across the street, New Girlfriend stops her bike and observes the scene. She waves tenderly to Mrs. Darko, who sees her.)

MRS. DARKO
Thanks, kid. That makes it all better.

THE END